From Inside the Wardrobe
by Ramzes
Summary: Sirius Black comes back to his flat to look for a forgotten object and witnesses the most traumatic event in his life: Lily Evans' bridal shower! Oh, did I mention that he witnesses it from inside the wardrobe?


**Disclaimer: Do you really think I own something? I do not.**

"Okay, you have his bottle, his water, Snuffles – " Angela started counting. "Well, I think that's all." She kissed Cane's chubby cheek. "Bye, sweetie. Mummy loves you. Have a nice time with Daddy, James, Remus and Peter, right?"

"Right, Mummy," Sirius said, faking a child's voice. "Mummy?"

"Yes, dear?" Angela continued the game.

"Didn't you forget something?"

She pretended to be lost in thought. "No, dear, I don't think so."

"You forget Daddy's kiss, Mummy," Sirius said in his own voice, and Angela laughed.

"Merlin, Sirius, you will never change. Whenever you see that I give Cane a kiss or attention, you start wanting attention, too. Sometimes it feels like having two children in this flat."

Sirius laughed, not denying what she had just told. She craned her neck and kissed him nonetheless. Sandwiched between the two of them, Cane wailed, and they separated.

"See you tomorrow, Sirius."

"Can't I come back after midnight?" he asked plaintively, and she shook her head firmly.

"No."

"I won't bother you. In fact, they will have left by then, I suppose."

"No, Sirius," she said again. "Now, leave, and no coming back until tomorrow."

"Fine, I'll take my leave," he said and pouted. "But I must tell you that the idea of a meeting for women only is offending and the fact that it is going to take place in my home makes it even more so."

Angela laughed. "I did not complain about James' stag night, did I?"

"But it was a stag night."

"And now, it is Lily's bridal shower."

"Bridal shower!" he huffed scornfully. "There is no such thing, it's just something that Lily and Mrs Lupin made up."

"It's a Muggle tradition, love," she smiled, and pushed him against the door firmly. Sirius sighed and left with Cane in his arms, and she smiled again, while she was walking to the living room to make a call to the ballet group that she had engaged weeks earlier. Everything had to be perfect.

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**A few hours later…**

"Oh, Merlin, that was great!" Marlene McKinnon said, smiling, and threw her coat on the bed in Cane's bedroom. "A ballet performance just for us!"

"Just for Lily," Alice corrected her, sitting on the sofa and stretching herself. "Merlin, I want the same for _my_ bridal shower."

"So, you're having a bridal shower now?" Lily asked, smiling, and her best friend grinned.

"Well, that was great."

"It hasn't finished yet," Angela laughed, opening a bottle of wine and filled glasses for everyone. "In fact, it has barely started.

Alice kept to the point. "Can I have the same party? Please?"

Now, everyone laughed. "No, girl, you can't," Julia Lupin said. "You see, each bridal shower should be unique. But don't worry, dear, we are going to arrange something nice for you, too."

Angela handed her the glass of wine. "You should have had a daughter, Mrs Lupin," she smiled. "Every girl would have been happy to have you as her mother."

The older woman shook her head. "It's too late for that now, right?" She took a sip of the red liquid. "God, that's good. Now, what are we going to watch?"

Dorcas Meadows, who was going through the movies provided for the video marathon tonight, looked at her. "I think I found the perfect film."

There was champagne, cognac, whiskey, vegetables and cheese and a tone of chocolate, as well as a pile of films. And, of course, there was the Big Surprise. It would be lovely. Angela turned the TV on and looked at Dorcas. "I'll polish your nails."

"There is no need."

"It will be fun. I have the perfect nail polish. Cherry."

Dorcas huffed. "I will wear no such thing. I won't colour my nails at all."

"But men like such things," Lily said and went on, just to irritate her. "Fabian Prewett is head over heels for you in years."

"That's a lie!" Dorcas' face flushed and she started rummaging through the films. "A big lie. We are just friends. Nothing more."

"Yes, that's why each time he enters the Headquarters, he keeps looking around the room and asking, "Hasn't Dorcas come yet?"

Dorcas threw a pillow at her friend and Lily dodged it. "What follows next?" she asked; the details of her own bridal shower had been hidden from her and Angela and Mrs Lupin had made all the arrangements.

"Black and white films," Angela said, "talking about men and then – " She paused for a better effect, " – the Big Surprise. Sylvie, are you sure you did it properly?'

"You are insulting me!" the young Auror winked. "Of course I did it properly."

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**Two hours later…**

Sirius removed the wards, very careful not to make a noise. He intended only to sneak into the bedroom, take the bottle of Volcanic Firewhiskey out of the wardrobe and leave as quickly as possible without any of the guests noticing his presence. How could he have ever forgotten about the bottle of the best Firewhiskey in the whole _world_?

However, he had to change his plans, because the door of the living room was opened and someone could see his passing. He was not prepared to risk Angela's wrath about coming back earlier, so he slipped into the wardrobe and waited for someone to close the bloody door, so he could go into the bedroom.

Unfortunately, the women in the living room had other plans and Sirius had to listen to a heated discussion about the most dangerous men in cinema history.

"Newman," Lily insisted. "What eyes does he have! Cold, piercing and so blue."

"Grant," Mrs Lupin defended her favourite. "He's dangerous, because he is unpredictable. His charm ruins the defenses of women."

"Bogart," Angela said with confidence. "So wild, so dangerous, so – "

At this point, Marlene interrupted her and that was just fine for Sirius, who had not enjoyed listening to Angela sighing after some Muggle movie star. However, Marlene's next words made it all worse. "Yes, yes, Angela, I know. You've been fancying him since our third year at Hogwarts. Merlin, I swear I thought that Thomas Larson had no chance with you, you were so infatuated with Bogart. Mind you, I've seen your posters of him and I can see your point – "

Everyone laughed – except for Sirius. Judging by the sound, he concluded that all the ladies were quite drunk. The next voice almost made him poke his head out of the wardrobe, just to be sure that it was really Mrs McKinnon – Marlene's legendary tough grandmother. _What the hell is the old bat doing on a bridal shower_? Sirius thought that she had heard about the party and, being the curious old tyrant that she was, she just had to come here and see what a bridal shower was. _Well, that makes it,_ Sirius thought smugly, _she'll be shocked into silence for the rest of her life_. He himself did not like the topic that they were discussing one bit. Then, he heard what the old lady said, and his jaw dropped.

"It's true that I don't have much experience with Muggle movies, but I'd say that the dancer we saw tonight was great. Such grace, such body – " She sighed dreamily.

The woman was in her eighties.

While Sirius was still trying to recover from his shock, the topic moved to first kisses. Lily talked about Sam Brown – a Gryffindor a year ahead of them, who had obviously kissed her in her fourth year. Sirius wondered briefly how James would react to such news, but then lost interest in that, because Angela mentioned the name of Arthur Rosley, and how she had dreamed of her first kiss being with Bogart, but instead, she had ended up with Arthur Rosley.

_It_ _could have been worse_, Sirius consoled himself. _It could have been _Snape_. At least Rosley is a Ravenclaw, a really decent guy. Maybe a little Impotence hex is just what he needs –_"

"And finally, you ended up with Sirius Black!" Marlene said, laughing. "I know that he isn't Bogart, but he isn't that bad in the most _important_ respect, is he?

Sirius was sure that his ears were now bright red. The implication in her word was obvious. Angela giggled in response. "He isn't, I assure you. He is simply – "

Sirius really wanted to hear the end of _this_ line, but no. A sudden shout interrupted Angela's next words, and Dorcas came out of the bedroom, dressed in something that, looked through the keyhole of the wardrobe, resembled one of Angela's sweaters.

"Where did you find it?" Dorcas asked excitedly. "It's cashmere, and so bright blue!"

After the women had finished trying Angela's clothes on, Mrs Lupin announced that it was now time to give the bride their presents.

"Wait!" Angela suddenly yelled. "Hold on!"

Not even a minute later, she had come back from the bedroom, triumphant. "Look what I found!"

The women gawked at her treasure. "Oh-oh! Is that Volcanic Firewhiskey?"

_Damn it, she found it! _

"Oh, yes," Angela answered smugly. "I found it here today, after my husband left. I think he intended to take it with him but God did not let this injustice happen. Now, the presents and let's drink!"

Lily unwrapped her first present. Judging by their conversation, it was a see-through nightgown. Sirius shook his head, when the tipsy ladies toasted it with the Firewhiskey that he had come to take, and briefly wondered whether Cane was fine. Of course he is fine, James and Remus adore him. With a sigh, he realized that his staying here had no point anymore and was just contemplating his quiet escape, when he heard a burst of applauses, coming from the living room. Dorcas had brought a book that was a very suitable reading for a bride, she insisted, and started to read it aloud.

Sirius' jaw hit the floor of the wardrobe again. This thing sounded like – he had no words. What the hell did Kama Sutra mean?

The women started giggling and sounded really interested. Well, Sirius had to admit that he was interested in some of the things that were written there, too.

"You should try this pose with Fabian," Angela told Dorcas, who only giggled and said that maybe she would.

"And what do you prefer?" Alice asked in a very matter-of-fact voice.

Angela answered immediately, "Oh, the pose from page twenty-four. I'd like to try it on this floor. Let's see what Sirius is going to say – "

In this moment, Sirius could not say anything, because he was busy trying to prevent his jaw from dislocating itself. Meanwhile, Sylvie Lupin expressed her grief over the fact that she would never have a bridal shower, since she was already married.

"But didn't you have one before that?" asked Marlene's grandmother curiously, true to her well-earned gossiping reputation.

Sylvie laughed deeply. "I didn't have even a proper wedding," she said. "I was invited to my friend's wedding, I met Raymond there and four days later, we got married. In a Muggle church," she explained, and then came the continuation, "and you could never guess where we spent our first wedding night."

"Where?" the old woman asked in a very interested voice.

"In the local prison," Sylvie informed her and smiled nostalgically. "The Muggles arrested us for disrupting the public peace while drunk."

Sirius blinked while Mrs McKinnon giggled in a very improper for an old lady manner. "Let's drink for the first wedding night!" she cried. "For all wedding nights in the world, whether they've been preceded by wedding or not!"

Laughing, the ladies drained their glasses with the best Firewhiskey in the world. The doorbell rang. "It's the Big Surprise!" Angela yelled, and tripped in the corridor to answer the door.

By now, Sirius had already come to the conclusion that he would not like the Big Surprise one bit, but even so, he was shocked to hear a male voice. "The lady gave me this address – " the man began, and Angela interrupted him.

"Yes, you've come to the right place. Come in, come in! Sylvie, you've got a great taste, he's quite decent."

"Decent? _Decent_?" Sylvie sounded as if she was the offended party. "He's perfect, Angela, and you know that. Merlin, I've lost days to find the perfect body and all you can say is decent? He's a pugilist, for Merlin's sake!"

"Well, he's not bad," Angela admitted, leading the man into the living room. He looked quite confused, but cheered up when the tipsy ladies started ogling him and feeling his muscles. "But he cannot match with Sirius."

Lily felt the muscles on his biceps. "Thank you, girls," she said, touched. "You're real friends." She giggled. "Let me see you," she said, and the man started moving, so she could see his muscles better. "He's not bad at all," she said.

"He cannot match with Sirius," Angela insisted stubbornly.

"Who is he?" the pugilist asked. "Give him to me and I'll – " His palms clenched into fists. "Or better, come here, candy, and I'll show you – "

With a shout, Sirius bolted out of the wardrobe, completely forgotten about his fear of being discovered or the whole bunch of women watching, concerned with only one thing.

"_Stay away from her_!"

The next moment, the pugilist was out of the flat, Sirius was lowering his wand, and every woman in the room was eyeing him angrily. "What?" he asked.

"You threw my present away!" Lily answered angrily.

"That – that _thing_ was your present? That heap of muscles? You must be joking."

"She isn't joking," Marlene said. "And since you took him away, it's only fair to show us what he was to show us. Take your clothes off."

"_What_?"

"Wait, wait, Marlene," Angela said, "don't be silly. I mean, he might have thrown him out, but he's still my husband. I'm the only woman who is allowed to see him the way you suggest."

Sirius smiled at her with real gratitude, took the glass out of her hand and drained it.

"Pity," Marlene muttered.

"Yes. Hey, Sirius, what are you doing here?"

"I came for the bottle."

Angela frowned. "The bottle? Which bottle?"

"The one that you lot made short work of."

"Ah." She smiled. "This one."

"Yes. This one."

"It was tasty."

"I bet it was. How was your evening?'

"Instructive."

His eyes went to the book that was lying on the sofa. "I see."

Angela laughed. "You do, don't you? Have you ever – have you ever seen how two people kiss in black and white movies?" She sighed dreamily. "It seems wonderful. Come here and kiss me, Sirius. In black and white."

Sirius did so and decided to postpone the lecture and the row about the pugilist for another time, because right now, she looked like she won't remember a single word of it in the morning.

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**A.N. So, what do you think?**

11


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